2018 FBA Season/18.04.01/TAL@HNT/Capsule

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The game in Huntsville started out typically enough, with Tallahassee training at the end of the first quarter, despite stellar showings from Sarah Lancaster (Cheetah, G) and Amelia Odessa Springer (Goat, F), who combined scored most of the Typhoons’ points, save for a quick bucket by Tahiry Andriamatsinoro (Ring-Tailed Lemur, F). A heated second quarter showed promise for the Typhoons, but that changed when D’Angelo MacQuilkin (Lion, G) tore through his uniform while attempting to steal the ball.

Spectators say he seemed to “hulk out” all of a sudden, growing even more muscular and without any warning. Play was stopped as MacQuilkin was medically examined, (and tested for steroids,) but was found fit to play (and particularly thrilled by the turn of events). Moments later, Wendy Brown (Saber-toothed Tiger, G) also started to grow without notice. What followed was a cavalcade of stop-and-go plays as each member of Huntsville’s team started to bulk out with muscle. A quick conference from the referees ruled that so long as it was medically viable to continue, they would allow it, much to the chagrin of Tallahassee’s Narkissa Kassius (Ringtail Lemur, G), who argued that the Mayors had a clear advantage over them, though in the middle of her speech, she bulked up as well, followed shortly by Jake Velox (Swift Fox, G) and Rosalie Smoot (American Bison, F/C).

By halftime, it seemed both teams were better suited for football than basketball, although it did make for a very hard-hitting third quarter. Raw power dominated the court as both teams continued to grow, causing wild shifts in the lead. But by the end of the game, however, all the players were struggling to deal with how to keep their balance on the court.

With most of the game over with at that point, it seemed even more silly to call the game on account that no one could effectively cope with their new forms. However, perhaps it was because she was so accustomed to bodybuilding, or just because of sheer determination, Emina Ferhatović (Cross Fox, C/F) was able to maneuver herself close enough to the basket to score the winning points for Huntsville.

After that, time was allowed to run out on the clock, as officials desperately sought answers. It was soon determined that the water in the team coolers had been contaminated with a growth formula disposed of improperly by a nearby laboratory, which has issued an apology and a full pledge to return the players to normal as soon as possible.

-- Chris Whalen, FSPN

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